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Filthy Millennial is back in the game

Put me back on the bench, coach.

Yup, you're the first to hear that I'm back on Hinge.

Saturday night, I created my account while sitting in the same bar where the most recent victim in receiving my phone number tended the bar.

I don't think he recognized me but, my friend (who is a former bartender) said,

"A bartender never forgets."

Fuck muh lyfe.

I'm not sure how long I'll last but, maybe I'll stick with it this time.

This time around, I will not put all of my eggs into one basket because the last time I did that, the guy I went on four dates with told me he didn't feel a "spark."

  • The spark probably went away after I shouted "THAT'S AH NICE!" after you know, watching Borat 1 and 2.

  • I have no regrets. I had the opportunity and I took it.

  • After him, I had major dating fatigue and just felt super rejected.

This time around, I won't plummet down a spiral of feminist self doubt after a my date who is a paramedic told the Baskin Robin's employee that I would "sample his dick later" while we sampled ice cream...

I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life while on a date...

  • If this happens again, I will 1. walk out or 2. pull out my most recent purchase.

  • I'm kidding, I wouldn't do that to a guy. I'd just kick him where it counts if one ever talks to me like that again.

This time around, I won't lie about how I started a new anti depressant prescription and it has messed with me so much that I can no longer date anymore...

Yeah, that is really low on my part. I'm sorry about that one and I won't do it ever again.


For realsies, this time

  • I will be upfront if I am not interested in a guy aka I will no longer ghost.

  • I will not apologize for late responses. I have a life, I will not be glued to my phone all day. If they have a problem with delayed responses then clearly, we're not going to work out.

  • I will not feel bad for removing someone from my matches because they made me feel uncomfortable.

  • I will not give my phone number out until after the first date if they're cool, no matter how annoying it is to chat on an app that drains your battery, I will not. (Sounds very hypocritical of me because I pass my phone number out to complete strangers all the time.)

  • I will continuously remind myself that if it doesn't work out between a guy and myself, my value will never decrease.


In 48 hours, I have 13 matches and 3 continuous conversations going.

I'm not bored with dating already.

I'm not bored with dating already.

I'm not bored with dating already.



The first match apparently use to write for Marvel, he was my front runner...But, he's already giving me not interested vibes and gave me his full opinion of Wonder Woman....

This guy already rubs me the wrong way due to his one word responses..

Then again, I'm probably not engaging enough with him to get more out of him...but, like I'm already annoyed.

Also, as of this morning he asked me if I have "gotten laid" since I've been vaccinated...I think I know why he's really on here.


The second guy is a repeat match from the last 3 times I've been on Hinge...Apparently, he's having just about the same amount of luck that I am in the dating world...which is NONE!

His profile is all about donuts.

This guy seems like he would be a lot of fun to get to know and he seems very innocent...


The third guy is deaf and I will not lie, this makes me nervous. What if he doesn't get to know how funny I actually am? Also, this will be the first guy ever to not make a comment on my witch cackle of a laugh.

He seems the most sincere and mature out of the bunch.


Oh man, Therapist Brett is going to get an earful this week about me trying to be vulnerable and how I'm already sick of trying to put myself out there.

Maybe he'll just tell me that I'm not ready to get back out in the dating world yet and that I can just delete Hinge...again.

Ugh, dating blows.

Fun fact about this photo, a guy on Hinge responded, "Good job trying to cover up your wedding ring."

To which I said (granted, I know I did not have to justify myself to him but, ohhhh man I wanted to make this guy feel like an asshole), "Actually not a wedding ring. It's a ring that was my grandma's and she passed away last December. She specifically left it to me in her will because she knew that I always had admired it growing up. I wear it everyday as a reminder that she is always with me."

He unmatched me before I could to the same to him.


There was some truth in my response, I embellished a bit but, fuck that guy.


I'm not irritated with dating already.

I'm not irritated with dating already.

I'm not irritated with dating already.


We'll see how this goes, maybe the 50th time on Hinge will be the charm...


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