I recently burned da fuk out and let me tell you, it was not fun.
Since the CDC lifted mask requirements for those who are vaccinated (sex can wait, go vaccinate) everything has suddenly sped up double time.
This burnout wasn't expected because I thought I was scheduling myself with ample downtime in between commitments but, I clearly missed the warning signs...
Warning signs like:
Going to sleep late and waking up earlier than what would allow me to have a decent night's sleep
The daily need to order a cheeseburger and fries from Lucy's right around the corner
Not having the drive to walk to Ross Dress 4 Less, Target or Dollar Tree aka The Jackie Triangle to shop my heart out
Not keeping my 245 sq ft studio space in tip top cleanliness shape
Procrastination about all things
A typical 2019 burnout:
I worked all day on Mondays and Wednesdays
I would hop around to two or three different babysitting gigs on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
I would have an improv class on Wednesday night
I would work my shift at the athletic club on Friday evenings
If I was in a show, I would have rehearsal Tuesday and Thursday evenings
Usually there were dumb little errands that couldn't wait until I had a "day off"
If I had the free time I would do some background acting work
I remember laying in bed on October 10th 2019 aka World Mental Health Day; completely exhausted, weeping and miserable. This was an all too familiar feeling because I had been burning the candle at both ends for the last couple of months.
I desperately wished for a day where nothing needed to happen, there were no deadlines, no babysitting jobs, no class, no rehearsal. If I could just wake up and not have a countdown automatically start for my first job of the day.
But like, I wished for a day, I did not wish for COVID-19 to happen.
*A photo of me on World Mental Health Day in 2019...I look so happy but, I was dying on the inside.*
2020: the first and probably only year without a burnout
During this time, my burnout endurance probably declined significantly.
Last Wednesday, I hit a wall and I hit the wall MEGA HARD.
I was babysitting and while I was changing little Joey's diaper, my energy plummeted.
My energy was so frighteningly low I didn't want to attend the show I was apart of that night!!
LIKE WHA DA FUK?!
I was supposed to have a date after the show but, I cancelled (well in advance) because I would probably be the most boring date ever.
Most Boring Date Ever Qualities:
Yawning every 5 minutes
Just listening
Yawning every 4 minutes
Can't even finish my beer
Yawning every 3 minutes
Can't remember key details about my life
Yawning every 2 minutes
Eyes getting heavy
Yawning every 1 minute
Forced laughter which just turns into "Heh."
Losing control of my body and slamming my face into the table and passing out.
I attended the show and I was absolutely hyped as soon as it started and throughout because my body was probably using the last eye drop amount of adrenaline to push me through to curtain call.
After the virtual show ended, I immediately went to bed at 9:15pm.
The first 2021 MEGA burnout,
I work all day on Mondays and Wednesdays
Weekly blog responsibilities
Self tapes
Headshots
Elevator Showcase video submission
Extra babysitting work on Fridays
Dating...or just having Hinge downloaded on your phone and not doing anything else with it.
Cross stitch shit.
Of course there were days that I thought were "rest" days but, maybe they weren't as restful as I thought?
Those days consisted of cross stitching, stressing about procrastinating, going for a run, cleaning and eating a pint of ice cream while soaking in the bathtub.
...yeah, my rest days probably aren't that restful...
*A photo of me 3 days before the 2021 MEGA burnout...lookin' good but, feeling dead on the inside again*
My energy levels are still recovering from last Wednesday and I'm still pushing my limits with work and social outings...facepalm
This weekend I swear, I will catch up on sleep and my overall well being, also, I will say, "no" a little bit more.
Sleep, Drink Water, Say "No," Prioritize and even more sleep.