I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal ya
But I ain't done much healing...
I think I've been doing some healing...
My knees are still pretty bad, I took a plastic bottle cap to the knee yesterday and that took me down pretty hard.
You know when you're kneeling down and your full weight/knee goes into a said item that you didn't see on the ground...
That sharp shooting pain that makes you want to yell,
"FUCKIN A! I HATE EVERYTHING! OW! DAMN IT!"
at the top of your lungs in front of the two boys you babysit and who are both under the age of four?
Yeah, that pain.
It's me...Filthy Millennial.
Sure has been awhile, hasn't it? I turned 30 and fell off the face of the Earth.
Woof. What a time...
Since turning 30, my creative energy has been stuck at 0.
I blacked out or there is a creative road block sitting on me and now it is up to me to chisel it away.
Here is a list of things that have changed since the last time I posted a blog.
The sq footage of my apartment. 1,000 sq ft BAYBAY!!
I have a new part time job at a bougie liquor store with a WIDE SELECTION OF MICROBREWS!!
My iPhone, it was a 6s and my insurance coverage got me to a 7s.
The number of grey hairs on my head.
I have a blender and I am now a frequent smoothie maker.
The size of my refrigerator
The number of cross stitch projects I have started and have yet to finish.
I actually made some new friends!
The depth of my bathtub.
Therapist Brett and I are no longer seeing each other…I now frequent a tarot card reader.
The number of cross stitching conventions I've attended now outnumbers the number of men I went on dates with in 2021.
The number of beers I can fit into my new refrigerator.
The number of my friends that are now finally fucking turning 30.
Here is a list of things that have remained the same...
If the first thing you guessed was my relationship status..you're an ass...
But you're absolutely right...
Trigger has no boundaries
I'm still a nanny
I still house sit/dog sit for a family in the burbs (where I am currently writing this.)
Lady Gaga is still my number 1 with Post Malone as a close 2nd
My childlike sense of wonder
My childlike sense of humor
Okay okay...Since I've been creatively stunted for an entire year and then some, I am now trying to "creatively jumpstart" myself.
I've been looking into classes at Second City, I've been making notes about things to write for the blog, I've had a creative consultation about my one woman show to see if anything is actually there...
Filthy Millennial the one woman show = VALIDATED
THERE IS SOMETHING THERE, YOU GUYS!
Anyways...I was having a conversation with a new friend recently about how I felt "too old," to go take a class at Second City...
I know, I know...I can be any age to do anything cool and fun...
I'm 99.9% sure that I can pin point when I started having this "too old" feeling and when it started manifesting in the last few years (the last few years from hell).
Going through the improv program at iO, is very much like school. You start level 1, you make friends and you basically go through the whole program together.
I started that program in January of 2019.
June of 2019, I took a session off so I could go on a fly tour with Missoula Children's Theatre.
When I came back, I immediately picked back up with improv classes but, now I was a class behind my friends. I was in a new class with people who have already been taking classes together!
I WAS THE FREAKIN NEW OLD KID.
Everyone was already so well established with each other, the teacher noticed and had to address the class,
"So it looks like a lot of people already know each other and let's just make sure we make everyone feel welcomed."
(Looks over at me sitting in the corner and against the wall and screaming internally.)
This class was a shit show for me because I totally felt like that oddball student that didn't have the same sense of humor as everyone else.
I was the person that nobody wanted to do scenes with.
Fast forward to 2020...
While in the shelter in place, I was consistently creating as much as possible to hold me over until improv shows would pick up again...
Then on one sad ass day, the improv team I was apart of; disbanded.
In my mind, I had nothing to go back to once things returned to some sense of normalcy.
I no longer had my crew that I felt connected me to the Chicago improv community.
I felt completely alone.
Towards the end of 2020 and into 2021, this feeling continued to grow until I basically made myself depressed and I no longer had the drive to create anything.
Yes, I have this blog, I was in an writer's accountability workshop and I was making videos for The Elevator Showcase.
I was pushing so hard to keep putting out (heh) content that not only did I burn myself out but, my creative self went into hiding.
The only creative thing I have been doing since last summer is cross stitch and making Flosstube's with my sister.
Yes...I have a youtube channel with my sister all about cross stitch and I fear how popular we are actually becoming...
I'll never get laid again, you guys.
I know that if I sign up for a sketch writing class, there will be other people that are just like me, older or younger; looking to get back in touch with their creative selves or to try something new, or to make friends!!
Which these are all the things I desperately need.
So this is me just checking in and letting dear readers (anyone watch Bridgerton season 2 yet?) know what has been happening.
Filthy Millennial is still there, she's just been hibernating and we're taking it a day at a time in hopes of finding that creative flow again and finding that connection to a community that I love being apart of.
Also, I need to go in for a waxing before I try doing anything too strenuous and I should probably ice and elevate my knee.