Mother's Day was on Sunday and every year, the world of Mother's Day seems to grow more and more.
Growing up, Mother's Day was all about your mom(s), aunts and grandmas. Nowadays, not only is it your mom(s), aunts and grandmas but it's your sisters, cousins, best friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc.
I remember in elementary school, making my mom a masterpiece of a bookmark. She still has it because it was so good and beautifully created.
(note to self: buy a laminator)
I have witnessed friends have their first child, I have witnessed friends who have lost a child and I've been with friends when they were told that they wouldn't be able to conceive.
It fucking blows to see that happen to the people I care most about.
Like damn...I have no words accept that it's unfair.
As I'm about to turn 30, more and more children pop up on my news feed. Friends and family are not only just starting their families but their families are expanding.
I'm here, like...I have a cat and a Hopslam mini keg.
It wasn't until the end of high school that I noticed the trendy question,
"Where do you see yourself in the next 5 to 10 years?"
To which my naive self would respond, "In the next five years, I hope I am living in Chicago and I'm married to the love of my life and I've had a kid or two all while maintaining an acting career."
I think the last time I answered that question was in 2014.
Soooo....
I did one and a half of those things...
Yolo.
But, when answering that question in the past, I've always just felt obligated to write, "I want children."
That's what we're supposed to write, isn't it?
We're expected to write; graduate high school, go to college, graduate from college, get a great job, get married, buy a house, adopt a dog, get pregnant, soon after that get pregnant again and maybe again or however many times you want, retire and die.
We're aware that this isn't how it really works anymore, right?
I am not doggin' on anyone who has followed the timeline that I wrote above. You're fucking awesome and you're a badass, do you need a babysitter?
I am literally typing out my own shit and processing in my own way because I am far from the timeline I wrote above and sometimes I get into my head about it and Therapist Brett has to dig me out when he could be helping me compose a text to a guy telling him that I'm not interested.
As a wee lil child, I never thought about growing up and having children of my own, I mean unless I was playing "house" or yeah, just playing house...
Even now; as an almost 30 year old, I still don't think about growing up and having children of my own.
I don't know if it's because I have worked with children, pretty much on the daily for the last 5/6 years but, I don't know if kids that are birthed out of me are in my future...
No, this isn't a "I'm so single, I'm never going to have children" bit, it's literally a straight up, "I just don't know if this is going to happen."
I've seen the families I babysit for react with sheer and utter joy when I'm not busy on a Friday or Saturday night so they can FINALLY have a "date night."
Parents need a fucking break.
I know how they feel because I have a similar reaction when Trigger is able to stay at my parent's house due to my work schedule.
Not to compare their children to Trigger but...
Get in losers, I'm doing it anyway.
When Trigger is away from home:
I have a clean bathroom floor
I can stay out later
My bed will not have vomit on it when I come home
No biting for attention
I can vaccum once and cat hair won't instantly coat everything
I don't have to keep Trigger's food and water dish filled while he's away
Trigger doesn't pounce on me at 3am
No biting for attention
Trigger doesn't interrupt "private time"
Trigger doesn't take my spot as soon as I get out of bed to go to the bathroom
I can have some peace and quiet while I cross stitch or write a blog
No biting for attention
When human children are away from home:
I have a clean bathroom floor
I can stay out later
My bed will not have vomit on it when I come home
No biting for attention
I can have a clean home
I don't have to feed anyone
Children don't wake me up at 3am
No biting for attention
Children don't interrupt "private time"
Children don't climb into my bed
I have peace and quiet while I cross stitch or write a blog
No biting for attention
I have my nieces, I have the children of friends and other family members, I have the kiddos I babysit for...
and of course, I have Trigger.
Yes, I have my fur baby.
Mother's Day 2021 was the first time I noticed a lot of people posting about their fur babies and that is pretty great.
Trigger didn't get me shit for Mother's Day but, I suppose the constant affection and security he brings into my life is plenty.
After a phone call with my sister and giving her a quick read through of tonight's blog, she helped me put into words the point I am trying to make.
It's okay to normalize not to have children.
If you already were aware of this, good for you. This is something I tend to struggle with as I see my friends and family members moving into this phase in their life.
I get wrapped up in it because I think that is where I should/need to be.
We shouldn't be afraid to talk about straying away from what was once considered, "the norm."
My eldest niece, Nevalee; slammed me with my two favorite questions while we were hanging out last week...
Nevalee: Aunt Jackie, why don't you have kids like me and Maryann (my youngest niece)?
Aunt Jackie: Well, I just...haven't...(trying not to tell my niece to "suck it")...I have too much fun hanging out with you and your sister, that's why I don't have kids. (damnit Jackie, this could have been a teachable moment and we fucked it up!)
Nevalee: Is it because you don't have a boyfriend?
About to tell my 4 year old niece to "fuck off."
Mom: Nevalee, you better watch what you say or else you're going to make Aunt Jackie cry.
Aunt Jackie: Yup Nevalee, you're right. I don't have a boyfriend and that's okay.
Nevalee: Don't worry, Aunt Jackie. I'll help you find a boyfriend.
Aunt Jackie: Thanks Nevalee, your optimism makes me want to vomit.
Nevalee smirks and walks away...
(sigh)
It's okay to normalize not to have children and it's okay to talk about it.