I would just like to start out by saying, I'm pretty die hard for astrology, psychic abilities, dream meanings, ghosts, tarot cards, palm readings, just the whole world of the unknown.
I LOVE IT ALL.
I love reading about it, I love researching it, I am a sucker, a nerd, a hoe, I'm whatever for it all because it's so scary and so fun, all at the same time.
Let’s talk about the obvious thing that we love to catch up on, whether it is through a podcast, an app or a weekly email (I'm not saying that I follow all of these things...but...close.); I'm talkin' astrology.
I was born at 12:30pm, on July 4th, 1991, currently 29. My zodiac is Cancer the crab, my rising or ascending sign is Virgo meaning I come off as precise, diligent, peace-seeking, and organized. I may seem a bit too attached to work, details and the pursuit of perfection, which sometimes makes me seem a bit boring. My moon sign is Aries which means, my emotional self is independent, energetic and enthusiastic. I have a tendency to feel inadequate and overcompensate just because failure is a possibility.
Fun fact: The cancer symbol is a sideways 69. Think about it. (wink).
Also, I mildly (keyword mildly) use astrology as a dating reference guide, seriously just for "funsies." You can bet your bottom dollar that I have pieced together all of my crushes birthdays and their birthplaces.
(I'm missing all of their birth times because I haven’t figured out a way to casually ask for their birth time without them thinking I’m using it for zodiac compatibility purposes)
A well known Cancer trait, is that we are very intuitive.
"Intuition is another key Cancer characteristic. Crabs tend to rely more on their intuition than on their practical or rational sense of judgment; this is due to their intense emotional state and ability to easily detect emotional changes in others.
It wouldn't be a reach to say that Cancers are essentially psychic, able to "read" people using their superior emotional intelligence.
Moreover, this intuition makes the Cancer sign dislike fake or forced things, such as small talk and white lies."
Now I'm not saying that I have "psychic abilities" but, I have been "in tune" with some strange situations that required some research, for instance; last Thursday.
Last week, there were two nights in a row that I had a dream where people told me,
"I wasn't funny."
When I woke up Thursday morning, I thought, "Therapist Brett has told me that our brains like to play tricks on us and when these negative scenarios pop up, it is my brain messing with me."
To pull myself out of this negative rabbit hole, I directed my attention to breaking down these dreams.
What was triggering me to have a recurring dream?
Shoutout to my cat Trigger.
So I type into Google,
"Why do we have a recurring dreams?"
"To stop these recurring dreams you have to figure out what the nightmare means. You first need to find the root of your problem. Think about what is stressing you out or upsetting you in your life at the moment."
Hmm...
Here is a list of things that are probably upsetting me:
My "normal" daily schedule is a little out of whack.
I haven't been cross stitching as much
I haven't gone for a run by myself (there isn't a child strapped to me) in what feels like ages.
Maybe it's the salt in the Trader Joe's meals? (I have been cooking more at home, isn't that great?!)
Is my blog lacking my usual anxiety?!?
Is therapy ruining my writing capabilities?!
Last week, I had more babysitting gigs than normal.
I haven't really had time to chit chat with friends
I haven't had time to chit chat with my family
Did my weekend in the suburbs really screw me up
Did I bring something back with me from the burbs?!
I haven't cleansed my apartment since my neighbor died
Have I been eating too many avocados?!
Am I just feeling extra single this week?
Is it because my mom and sister purposely ignore my FaceTime calls?!
(just planting that to see if they actually read my blog)
Let's get more specific about my dream...
So I type into google,
"What does it mean when people tell you that you're not funny in your dreams?"
"If you were telling jokes that no one found funny, or if someone else was telling a joke that everyone found hilarious except you, then you may feel left out of your inner circle of family or friends."
Hmm...
Well, there was/is a lot happening around my family right now and I have been wishing I could go home to help out and hang out with all of them.
Jesus, if this has something to do with missing OBERON DAY at Bells Brewery...
I am harshly judging myself right now.
Feeling left out with my friends? I don't think so much now, I saw a couple of friends this last weekend and I'm pretty much all socialized out.
Like, leave me alone now.
Hmm...
Okay, so this recurring dream is happening because I'm not with my family and I've been feeling homesick.
I'm going to see them Easter weekend and I'll feel a lot better.
Cool, problem solved.
After my deep dream dive and still feeling a little down and out, I went for a run to help clear away my brain fuzzies.
Seriously, the heaviest run ever.
I'm not doggin' on my weight but I felt so weighed down and just, emotional. I ran a mile and a half and then I walked a mile and a half just to hit my 5K goal.
While I was walking my final lap around the cemetery (FYI: I enjoy running in cemeteries, I was doing that before I ever watched Fleabag), I saw this shiny gold looking coin on the ground.
I thought it was a U.S. dollar coin (do people still use those?), so I walked by it because COVID and someone else would find it.
While walking by the coin, I saw an angel on it.
Hmm...Weird.
I was about 10 steps away when I glanced back over my shoulder to look at the coin and to see if anyone was behind me; there wasn't.
I turned around and went back to pick up the weird angel coin.
While walking home, I typed into Google,
"Gold coin with angel"
This shiny coin is referred to as a "Divine Sign."
These signs can happen, "before, during or after significant events in your life, especially when a loved one in your life has passed away...Along with angels, they can gift you with signs to bring hope and comfort when you feel alone and disconnected, or when you need encouragement."
Hmm...
Well, my Grandma passed away in December so maybe she stopped by before heading out?
Along with feeling homesick, the recurring dream definitely left me feeling insecure and disconnected about everything creative I was doing, aka my blog. womp womp.
Fuck.
This isn't the first time a grandparent on my Dad's side has stopped by to say, "Hey" from "beyond..."
In 2004, I had a dream that I was in the city where my grandparents lived and I was attending a theatre day camp. When it was time to leave, I couldn't remember how to get back home. I went to my Grandma's house to ask her for help.
When I arrived, my Grandma was working in the kitchen, I told her I didn't know how to get home and she said she would go and get my Grandpa so he would help.
(I seriously remember this dream as clear as any Spice Girls' song.)
Jackie: "Grandma, Grandpa passed away a long time ago, he's not here."
Grandma: "Yes he is, he's in the living room."
Then, my Grandpa appears in the archway between the kitchen and living room.
Jackie: "Grandpa, what are you doing here?"
Grandpa: "What? I live here."
Jackie: "Grandpa, What year is it?"
Grandpa: "Well, it's 2000."
Jackie: "No Grandpa, it's 2004."
Grandpa: "Huh..."
To quickly wrap up the rest of my dream, he and my Grandma helped me find my way back home.
When I had told my Grandma about this dream, she said, "That was Grandpa checking in on you."
Fun fact: My Grandpa passed away in 2000.
DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, my family has never really done a deep dive into family history so I cannot fully verify this information.
From the minimal family knowledge I do have, my Great Great Grandma Sabina was known to read palms and have psychic abilities.
Also, just a random fun fact, my Great Grandma Anne was kicked out of a nunnery for too many late curfews. (My Dad's side of the family is Catholic.)
So there is some psychic and Holy Jesus shit at work here.
I'm sure with the amount of swearing and how many times I say, "Jesus" in a "non religious tone," everyone has either turned over in their graves or they have given me a solid thumbs up.
So to wrap up this blog, last Thursday was a really fucking weird day but I was LIVING for it and...
I have psychic abilities and I'm fucking HILARIOUS because this was my life once upon a time.
Stay humble, bitchez.
*NO BEER PANIC PURCHASES THIS WEEK!*
BUT!! Monday night, I did some investigative journalism shit in regards to my deceased neighbor's apartment...aka I took my Canon Ti80 Rebel camera with a magnifier lense and took this photo. I was standing in the stairwell of my apartment building and looking out the 3rd floor window.
*Cancer memes provided by @drunkstrology and @notallgeminis on Instagram!!*