Filthy Millennial experiences a real Venus Retrograde
- Jackie Wiles
- Jun 13
- 4 min read
Updated: 1 day ago
Okay, so for those of you who are not familair with a Venus Retrograde, here is some helpful information.
Click the link below or take a look at the screenshot.
What I really want you to notice is highlighted in green below!
This is where our story begins...
Wednesday March, 19th 2025 approx. 11:10pm CT
My plan was to go to bed early, however, I found myself heading into hour two of reading, Onyx Storm...
Thankfully, it wasn't a steamy chapter so when a text alert popped up, I paused my reading and picked up my phone.
An unknown 269 Kalamazoo area code phone number appeared, this has to be someone I know. So, I responded the only way I knew how that wouldn't make it blatantly obvious that I did not know who I was talking to.
I scrolled through my phone number graveyard, looking for a match...
What is a phone number graveyard, you ask?
It's a note in my notes app on my phone of all the men who have ever disappointed me and I needed to get rid of their number fast so that I would never reach out to them ever again...
but I still wanted to keep their number...
FOR MOMENTS LIKE THIS.
Also, sometimes phone numbers get resurrected...
only to quickly find their way back into my phone number graveyard.
Sadly though, my graveyard did not contain a phone number body.
If you haven't figured out the song by now it's, The Fame by the one and only, Lady Gaga. So this mystery person that was texting me, clearly knows me.
For reasons uknown, the emoji confirmed my whisper of suspicion...
My stomach dropped and stress crawled up my back and rolled over into my shoulders.
Are you fucking kidding me?
He went on with his little game of "guess who" for another 10 minutes and anyone in their right mind would've blocked the number right then and there...but did I?
Pffft...of course not.
To move the game along, I initiated a facetime which was immediately rejected.
This was getting annoying and eventually, I gave in and texted the name of the person I was talking to, which felt very much like that scene in Twilight where Bella follows Edward into the woods because she's figured out what he is and he has that infamous line of, "Say it, out loud." and she say's (SPOILER ALERT) "Vampire?"
Yeah, writing out his name felt very much like that.
Then, I called him to cut through the bullshit.
He wanted to and I quote, "talk to someone that wasn't going to pity him."
I have not spoken to this man in 9 years (?).
Alright kids, you know what to do when we hear the secret word, right?
We scream really loud! Let's try it together!
Edward:
Say it...out loud
Jackie:
It's my...EX.
Our phone conversation lasts for about 35 minutes.
He's been feeling stuck, he's not happy, he doesn't see his friends anymore, he doesn't make art. He goes to work, comes home and repeats.
Disclaimer: He's married and while we are talking he is standing outside because his wife is asleep and he doesn't want her to hear...
Occasionally, I've fantasized about running into him, and what cool, burn worthy zinger I would say right to his face.
Here are some examples below:
"Hey, fuck you!"
"You're a piece of shit!"
"You suck!"
"I really hate that I went to therapy after dating you and I'm still coping with some things!"
"I have never felt so insecure in my life while dating you and even after dating you."
"I really think I hate you."
"We should've broken up sooner."
"Why did I ever let you make me feel so fucking small?"
Okay, those aren't as badass as I thought they would be, I've never really been good at badass zingers.
As this conversation is happening, I'm noticing that I'm not having as big of an emotional reaction that I thought I would have. The stress and tension has gradually disappeared from my back and shoulders.
Did I give myself anxiety before anything actually happened?
I offer my bit of advice to him to help make his life less miserable than it is...
Will he take it? Of course not but, I've said my piece and that is that. This boy and his feelings are not my responsibility.
After all of this, he finally asks what I've been up to and I tell him that I've been doing pretty great. And, I've been feeling pretty great at all I've accomplished.
Then, in true ex
fashion, he brings up a story that he's heard about me recently. This guy, who is standing outside while his wife is sleeping inside, wants to share gossip he heard about me.
Ex:
So, I hear that you're trying to make out with guys at the bar?
Jackie:
What?
Ex:
Yeah, I heard that you told NAME, that you wanted to make out.
Jackie:
Oh NAME! Haha yeah, I was having a fun night.
Ex:
Aren't you a little too old to be doing that?
(What a piece of shit.)
Jackie:
Uh excuse me, I'm a single woman and I can actually do whatever the hell I want.
HANGS UP
That probably would've been the "cool, burn worthy zinger" I was talking about earlier but alas...I didn't hang up the phone.
I laughed at his stupidity and wrapped up the conversation.
The conversation fell into the standard midwestern politeness, we exchanged goodbye pleasentries and ended the call.
I proceeded to take a screenshot of his number and bury him at the bottom of my phone number graveyard.
After the call, I worried that my anxiety and any suppressed emotions were going to keep me awake but, I couldn't help but notice how relaxed I felt. I assumed I was going to cry after talking to him but...I didn't really feel anything.
Damn, I'm proud of the way I handled that call. No shame or embarrassment.
Early 20's Jackie would be proud.
I'm out living my life and he's making a choice to reach out to an ex from 9+ years ago...
DO BETTER, BRO.
So it's safe to say, an old flame resurfaced and I was finally able to close the chapter for good.
Speaking of that guy I tried making out with in the bar that my ex
brought up...
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