Filthy Millennial gets laid
- Jackie Wiles
- Jul 28
- 8 min read
OFF
Yup, I experienced my first corporate lay off and it sucked.
A little information before we dive in, the company I worked for was acquired earlier this year and my coworkers were immediately suspicious of future layoffs. We were hopeful that it would be at least a year before anything started happening. We still operated as our own company but we were now under an umbrella of someone else.
Monday, June 23rd:
The day started off like any other Monday, I woke up, I made my coffee, I sat in my chair and read until it was time for the morning stand up meeting that promptly took place at 8:30 AM CT.
Around 8:15 AM, I receive an email that both, stand up and our weekly company wide 15 minute meeting had been canceled. I didn't think anything of it because people were starting to go on vacation and sometimes, those meetings are cancelled.
I continued reading my book, it was going to be a slow morning, hell yeah.
About a half hour later, I receive an email from guy from "umbrella company," and he would like to have a quick meeting. He immediately sent over a Gcal invitation for 10:30 AM CT. Again, I didn't think anything of it, a few of my coworkers previously had meetings with him to discuss their role and I figured, this was my meeting to do so.
I hadn't showered in two days (YOLO), so I showered and got dressed in actual work attire. I had to make it look like this is how I look ALL THE TIME when I work from home.
My standard WFH (Work From Home) look is, hair in bun, an Oberon zip up OR a green crewneck sweater that says, Little Monster and whatever bottoms are conveniently laying on the ground. On the days I was hungover (I can admit these things now) I complimented my look with a pair of Blue Light Glasses to hide my pathetic looking eyes.
But honestly, on the days I wore my glasses, I looked pretty zesty.
I'm showered and ready for my meeting, I have about 45 minutes to kill until then. My coworker tagged me in a couple of tasks that morning and I could knock those out easily before my meeting. That was going to be my productivity for the day. (I can admit these things now)
Taking a closer look at the Gcal invitation, the invitees were just guy from umbrella company and myself.
Before the meeting, I write down details of my job and what my weekly tasks are, just in case this meeting turns into a "Why should we keep you?" kinda thing.
10:30 AM CT:
I hit "join meeting" and then proceed to wait for what feels like 10 minutes for the Zoom host to start the meeting. The longer I wait, the more suspicious I become...
The zoom meeting begins and it's not just me and Umbrella Guy, there is also Kathy.
Oh fuck.
Kathy is DEFINITELY an HR person.
Umbrella Guy begins to read his script,
"As you know the company has been going through changes and after a company wide restructure, your position has been terminated effective immediately. I will now pass things over to Kathy to discuss your termination details further."
Umbrella Guy turns off his camera.
I'm in shock. I am on the verge of tears but my gawd, the look on Kathy's face is the one thing that is holding me together. She knows this is shitty and I think she would definitely hug me and give me a glass of water if we were in the same room together.
I'm wondering if Umbrella Guy is still sitting at his computer and watching this meeting proceed, like a fucking creep. I hate him and the one moment I met him at the Company All Hands in May, he had massive pit stains.
I no longer trust people with massive pit stains.
You:
Jackie, you're being dramatic about people with pit stains.
Jackie:
No I'm not.
You:
Yes, you are.
Jackie:
LET ME HAVE THIS.
Kathy is kind and has a very gentle voice, she takes me through next steps and tells me about the severence package. She says that I don't have to work for the rest of the day and the company just wants my work laptop and the instructions to return the laptop will be provided in the termination letter following this meeting.
She asks if I have any questions and I'm too in shock to think of anything.
I simply say, "Nope, I think I'm good."
Kathy offers her condoloences and says that in our brief meeting together, she knows that I will bounce back immediately and find something fast.
Kathy, I know you say that to everyone but, oh boy, I gotta leave this meeting ASAP or I will definitely cry in front of you.
Well, shit.
I call my mom and I'm already sniffeling, I know I have a severence package and fingers crossed unemployment goes through but it already feels like I will be unhoused next week. It's time to pack up my whole apartment and somehow shove it all into my 2007 Toyota Corolla and drive back to Michigan.
We had a good run Chicago.
Trigger senses that something is up, he is on my lap and head butting me.
I'm sorry Trigger, we need to ration your catnip if we're going to survive this.
I call my now former coworker and I've already hit the first stage of grief, I'm in denial that I'm fine, it's fine, it's all fine...
Turns out that I wasn't the only one who got the axe.
Have you ever seen a war movie?
We're set on the beach and it's a whole scene where the camera is just in front of one person and they're dodging bullets, explosions and bodies. The only thing we hear is some sort of intense instrumental music playing and we're hoping that the star of this war movie makes it out alive...
She doesn't.
She takes a bullet to the chest and falls to her knees, she looks around and she sees her fallen comrades either already dead or gasping for air. She doesn't know what to do, all she can think is,
"What the hell am I supposed to do next?"
She falls forward and lands on the rightside of her face because her leftside is better and more dramatic.
Plus, if you're going to identify her, the third lobe is on the left ear.
This is the most I've ever texted with so many of my former coworkers in a given day. My boss is out of office and I send her a text to give her a heads up,
"I'm not skipping work tomorrow, I'm just laid off. lol"
I'm definitely masking with humor and it's blatantly obvious. I will mask with humor for the remainder of the week so I can feel less shitty.
I'm stunned more than anything and my brain can't help but slip into the mindset that this is all of my fault and I was just a terrible employee.
I am very aware that this was not my fault and I was not bad at my job...
this is just the result of capatalistic pigs at work.
The most cringe part of the day is when the former CEO of the company I worked for called me and apologized for what happened, how he didn't know this was going to happen and this was the worst day of his professional life.
Gurl, same.
I really wish I didn't answer the phone.
I don't remember what I said to him because I was still in shock but I really hope that I didn't say, "It's okay" in order to make him feel better.
(I can admit these things now)
2:00 PM CT:
I've started walking to my former coworker's home, they are the only other person based in Chicago.
It's one of the 90+ degree days and I'm determined to walk the 2.8 miles to get to their place because I definitely will not be going to the gym today. After about a mile, I give up and hop on the train, I'm sweating profusely.
As soon as I see them, I pretty much start crying and their dog, Debbie is already trying to give me kisses.
Geezus, you'd think someone died.
My former coworker and I just chat about how shitty this all is and we talk about other coworkers that were either axed or safe.
Then, they give me a beer and put on Lady Gaga's Chromatica Tour: The Movie on HBO Max, formerly known as Max, fomerly formerly known as HBO Max.
Sigh. I do love Lady Gaga and beer.
Around 6:00-7:00 PM CT:
I'm ready to go, I thank my friends and Debbie for dinner and hanging around my dull ass all day and I walk the full 2.8 miles back home.
On my walk, I have tears here and there while I'm listening to music that is not helping get me out of my feels. I walk passed Wrigley Field and it's a Swing dance night of sorts.
Oh gawd, I'm not only unemployed but I'm still so SINGLE!
Can this day get any worse?
8:00-8:30 PM CT:
I get back home and I start getting ready for bed. Tonight, I'll take my time to shower, I do a full 12 step skincare routine, I make tea, I hang with Trigger, I read for a bit in bed.
Before turning out the lights, I grab my phone and scroll on Instagram for awhile.
I think about texting all of my friends and family that I was laid off today but I don't really care for people to know because for some unknown reason, I just feel ashamed that I lost my job.
It's fucking weird, I know.
Friday, July 11th 12:45 PM CT:
A lot of my friends still don't know that I lost my job, though I'm sure word has gotten out from people I did tell. A lot of my family didn't know that I was laid off until last week.
It's been over two weeks now and I still feel a little in denial that I'm unemployed. I've started getting questions from family members, "What's next?" and all I can say is, "I'm not sure, I'm keeping an eye on LinkedIn."
But honestly, I have no fucking clue where to start.
With this time I have, you'd think I'd immediately start job searching, submitting to casting agencies and writing more but, I haven't done anything.
I just feel paralyzed.
Everyone keeps telling me that I can do anything now, I have the flexibility to travel and to take the time to figure out what I'm going to do next, etc.
I just want my routine back.
I enjoyed the job I had and I loved the majority of my coworkers. I learned a lot with this job and acquired new skills (cleaning up HTML code, anyone?) that I never imagined would reside in my brain. ALSO, I can spell Genitourinary and Musculoskeletal without having to look them up.
Put me in a spelling bee where only radiology/healthcare education terms are used!
I was financially independent, I was living comfortably...granted, did my mom and dad have to cover my ass after purchasing a bunch of Lady Gaga tickets? Yes, but I am on a payment plan.
THANK YOU MOM AND DAD!
With the loss of income, routine and motivation to actively do anything, I sit paralyzed in my apartment and tell myself,
"Tomorrow I will try, tomorrow I will write that cover letter, tomorrow I will go to the gym, tomorrow I will hit publish on a new blog post, tomorrow I will submit to casting agencies because acting is still the thing I want to do. Tomorrow, something has to click to make me motivated again. "
Monday, June 23rd 11:30 PM CT:
I'm still scrolling...
Should've gone to bed immediately after wrapping up a chapter in the book I'm currently reading...
But here I am, still scrolling down the Instagram shithole...
I come across an image from a page I follow, Law of Attraction Live. A friend had recommended following this page for daily posts that will, "help manifest great things into my life."
Fuck this.
I turn out the light and go to bed.
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